tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5425514987715337437.post1084794532425423279..comments2024-03-26T22:47:45.276-07:00Comments on Intro to Critical Reading: Dissolving HierarchyAdamhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16302919444091859459noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5425514987715337437.post-17623990471913514972012-02-27T04:14:23.101-08:002012-02-27T04:14:23.101-08:00I thought your first paragraph was very convincing...I thought your first paragraph was very convincing. It was great to hear an interpretation where the Oankali are actually a good species that will help humanity. I had a few more problems with the second half of your paper. You say “this new life could only come about and succeed if humanity (as far as the ones who had not elected to go to Mars) had finally conquered their hierarchy.” This is a really interesting assertion but in a revision I would definitely take the time to really argue this statement. How is this lack of hierarchy apparent in the mountain humans and the humans who have breed with the Oankali? Also, what about the humans on Earth who have not yet left for Mars, why would these effect or not effect the constructs? You have some grammar mistakes that need to be fixed and while the whole paper makes sense I would separate your paper into more paragraphs. It is harder to separate ideas and concepts when there is no pause between them.Kayceehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13353642588534805264noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5425514987715337437.post-22433012500577830032012-02-24T19:44:26.619-08:002012-02-24T19:44:26.619-08:00In the first paragraph (very questionable paragrap...In the first paragraph (very questionable paragraph structure, by the way) you give an optimistic/utopian reading of what the construct Ooloi mean. I'm completely fine with that, and in many ways you're articulate about it, but I think you slip a little in your discussion of hierarchy. Early on, you talk about hierarchy in terms of masters and servants; later you slip into a habit of arguing, basically, that hierarchy has been eliminated because people no longer want to be masters.<br /><br />Here's the alternative I see (I think Santos would say it something like this): this is not the end of hierarchy so much as submission, humanity willfully surrendering, putting itself beneath the Ooloi (regardless of whether they themselves are hierarchical). This doesn't make you wrong, by any means - I'm just pointing out that there is an obvious alternative reading, which at least needs to be engaged with.<br /><br />The 2nd (again, poorly structured) paragraph makes no real progress over the first one, when you shoudl be, at least, engaging with the difficulties than Santo (and even Jesusa's sense of duty, or Lilith's moral qualms) should raise. You handle everything, especially in the 2nd paragraph, through generalizations, rather than through a close reading of the text. You're moving in a good if imperfect direction in the 1st paragraph - you needed to develop that, though, rather than just vaguely repeat it.Adamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16302919444091859459noreply@blogger.com